So Friday night I went to the hospital to check myself in. They felt that I didn’t need to be an inpatient but I will be in an outpatient program from 9:00-2:00 every day. There is something very wrong with me. Thursday afternoon I was doing something on Word and I couldn’t think at all, I just couldn’t remember how to print, something so simple. I keep having terrible confusion. I am shaky and unsteady on my feet. I am afraid of falling. The depression is crushing. The anxiety is crippling. I am frozen. I am a stone at the bottom of a frozen lake. It’s very hard to type because I keep typing the wrong words. The littlest thing is stressful, like getting my keys out of my purse. I know that I’ve been more depressed in the past. I’ve been very suicidal in the past, but I don’t ever remember being this confused and unable to think. My goal right now is to get up every day and taking a shower and driving myself to the hospital. Those are big goals. I haven’t been showering. I haven’t been doing much of anything.

~r.